The opening week was won on the bench as much as on the pitch

The tightest lineup in the league, and still room for a joke

Terry Byte FC opened with the league’s best score and the narrowest gap between the selected XI and the best legal lineup. Gakpo, Cody and White, Ben did the heavy lifting, while Tzolakis, Konstantinos offered the flavour: a promoted-club goalkeeper producing a major return. There was no heroic bench disaster to rescue the column. Mark simply picked well, which is frankly inconvenient for everyone.

The ranking puts the team first because the evidence is unusually clean. The record is 1-0-0, and the side would have beaten every opponent every week, so this was more than a fortunate fixture. The danger is obvious: can the tidy decisions survive contact with a longer season? For now, this is what an opening-week masterclass looks like: clean, boring and deeply irritating to everyone else.

Palmer did the loud work while the bench kept its counsel

Al-Halal Coqs lost the opener despite posting the league’s third-best score, which is a particularly FPL way to begin a season. Palmer, Cole led the side with 30.5, while Cherki, Rayan and Barry, Thierno supplied enough support to make the result feel harsh. Wissa, Yoane also delivered despite there being only 3 players of that nationality in the Premier League. A decent week, mugged off by the fixture.

The ranking rewards the underlying performance more than the record, and rightly so. The team sits 2nd in the power standings despite a 0-0-1 record, with only 10.75 points unused from the best legal lineup. That is not a shambles; it is a good side arriving at the wrong door. The next test is whether the attack can make the score count against Los Santos Benders, or whether Oliver gets another lesson in the cruelty of scheduling.

Second-best score, third place, and a bench needing supervision

Dr Marks produced the league’s second-best score, with Kayode, Michael and Rogers, Morgan anchoring a formidable return. Sangare, Mamadou added the detail that makes the squad look properly international, delivering despite only 2 players of that nationality in the Premier League. Then came the bench: 10.5 from Moore, Mikey, part of a wider gap between the chosen side and the best legal lineup. The result was strong, but the paperwork was untidy.

That explains the ranking behind the two teams above it. The record is 1-0-0 and the side would beat every opponent every week except the league’s best, yet 26 points unused is a sizeable warning label. The problem is not mysterious; it is selection. Against Gooner FC, Derek needs to treat the bench as a tactical resource rather than expensive seating with a lovely view of the points.

The promoted player arrived carrying the whole paragraph

Toe Curlers won their opener with the league’s 5th-best score, built around Emersonn and Wieffer, Mats rather than a marquee name demanding a montage. Emersonn’s contribution mattered because he arrived from promoted Ipswich and immediately looked like the sort of pick people pretend they had considered. Tavernier, Marcus completed the useful work. The lineup left only 8 points unused, which is tidy without being precious.

The ranking places Matt 4th because the performance was both productive and sensibly assembled. The record is 1-0-0, and the team would beat 9 opponents every week, giving the result more substance than a lucky bounce. The next fixture is against Samba FC, where the obvious trap is complacency dressed up as confidence. Can the low-key operation keep finding value before the league notices what is happening?

A win, a good score, and Abdul Fatawu watching from the dock

Los Santos Benders won with the league’s 4th-best score, led by Tzolis, Christos and Havertz, Kai. Angulo, Nilson also contributed, giving the side a broad rather than spectacular shape. The awkward detail is Abdul Fatawu, whose 13 sat on the bench while the selected lineup left 22.5 points unused. A win can still arrive with a receipt attached, and this one has a 13-point line item marked ‘completely avoidable’.

The ranking keeps Tyler 5th because the team’s record is 1-0-0 and it would beat 10 opponents every week. That is a sturdy platform, even if the selection left a little money on the table. The question is whether the bench becomes a source of solutions or a weekly exhibit in the case against its own manager. Al-Halal Coqs next offers a proper test: pick the footballers who score the points. Revolutionary stuff.

The bench was expensive, but Diego Gomez paid the bill

North Buffalo Football Club lost the opener despite useful work from Diego Gomez, Saka, Bukayo and promoted Ipswich defender OShea, Dara. Gomez and Mykolenko, Vitalii both delivered despite only 3 players of each nationality in the Premier League, a niche achievement with proper fantasy value. Jack Clarke added 12.5 from the bench, while 20.25 points went unused overall. The pieces were there; Josh simply shoved a few of the useful ones into the wrong slots.

That leaves Josh 6th, with a 0-0-1 record and a team that would beat 6 opponents every week. The ranking sees a competitive squad rather than a dead end, but the gap between the score and the best legal lineup is too large to ignore. This is not complicated. Against LittleTaco FC, the important decision is whether the promising fringe players make the starting eleven before another perfectly usable score goes mouldy.

De Cuyper went berserk; the bench made the win look daft

The Golden Company Deux won with the 6th-best score, and De Cuyper, Maxim went berserk at the back with 38.5. Tarkowski, James and Ampadu, Ethan added useful returns, while Collins, Nathan delivered 12.75 from the bench and watched the selected side make hard work of it. Richards, Chris was also started as a United States international, because apparently the squad meeting had a theme. The team got home, but the lineup still left itself open to ridicule.

Mike is ranked 7th because the win matters, while the unused 31.75 points explain why this was not a march to the summit. The record is 1-0-0 and the side would beat 8 opponents every week, which is useful without being dominant. The next fixture against Terry Byte FC is less forgiving. Nice win. Shame about all those good players sitting on the bench with their boots on while the selected side made a proper shambles of efficiency.

The defenders did the work while the attack filed for leave

Princess Diana’s Revenge won with the league’s 9th-best score, relying on Calafiori, Riccardo and Bijol, Jaka to make the week respectable. Bijol delivered despite only 2 players of that nationality in the Premier League, a small statistical oddity doing a lot of the lifting. Xhaka, Granit filled out the useful returns. The lineup left 8.5 points unused, which is hardly a crime scene, merely a side that never quite found top gear.

The ranking puts Nik 8th because the record is 1-0-0 but the team would beat only 5 opponents every week. That is enough for a result, not enough to call the performance convincing with a straight face. The defence did its job; the attack now needs to stop treating participation as an optional extra. Against The American Poch, a match between uneven opening returns, one decent forward score could be enough to make last week look far more deliberate than it was.

The bench held 41 points and nobody bothered to look

LittleTaco FC lost despite posting the league’s 7th-best score, which is the sort of result that makes a fixture list feel personally hostile. Joao Pedro and Odegaard, Martin led the starters, while promoted Ipswich player Enciso, Julio delivered from the selected side. Jensen, Mathias and Evanilson combined for 19.5 and 10.75 from the bench, contributing to 41 points unused. Gabriel Martinelli, linked with a move to Al-Hilal, contributed 0 from the bench, so the headlines did not exactly help.

The ranking leaves Kevin 9th because the team’s 0-0-1 record disguises a decent scoring base but not the selection damage. It would beat 7 opponents every week, yet the best legal lineup was worth 127.25, a figure that turns the bench into the main character. Antonee Robinson was also started as a United States international, adding another curious detail to a very busy sheet. Against North Buffalo Football Club, the first job is simple: stop leaving all the useful points in the wrong row.

The name promised patience; the score demanded action

Save the wirtz for last finished with the league’s 13th-best score, built around Trafford, James and Muharemovic, Tarik. Muharemovic delivered despite only 2 players of that nationality in the Premier League, which is a proper bit of value in an otherwise thin return. Murillo added support, but 15.75 points remained unused from the best legal lineup. The team lost, and the score was not interested in the branding exercise.

The ranking puts Dan P 10th because the side would beat only 1 opponent every week, despite the record being 0-0-1. That is not a verdict on the season, but it is a warning that patience can become a wet lettuce if nobody turns up. The next fixture against FC Bosh should offer a chance to recover ground. Is the name a strategy, a promise, or simply what happens when the deadline arrives and the good score never does?

The goalkeeper did his job; the bench kept the receipts

FC Bosh finished with the league’s 12th-best score, despite Pickford, Jordan, Szoboszlai, Dominik and Lacroix, Maxence offering a respectable spine. Szoboszlai delivered amid headlines about Liverpool still having work to do, which makes the selection look rather less daft than it might have done. Ryan Giles supplied 16.5 from the bench, and 18.5 points were unused overall. Mateta’s 2.75 left the forward line contributing almost nothing beyond a shirt and some light jogging.

That leaves Zack 11th, with a 0-0-1 record and a side that would beat only 2 opponents every week. The result is poor, but the gap to the best legal lineup is not the largest problem on the page. The larger question is whether the squad has enough dependable starters to stop the bench becoming a weekly tribunal. Rodri has already been dropped from the roster, so the campaign has begun with selection noise before the dust has settled.

Forty points sat on the bench while the goalkeeper took the blame

Gooner FC scored the league’s 10th-best total but finished 12th in the power rankings after leaving 40 points unused. Guehi, Marc and Kelleher, Caoimhin were on the bench, which is a lot of useful football to ignore before anyone starts blaming the fixture. Promoted Hull player McBurnie, Oliver delivered in the XI, while Aaronson, Brenden was started as a United States international. Sanchez, Robert managed 4.25 amid a week of Chelsea goalkeeper criticism, so the headlines were not exactly kind.

The ranking says the team would beat 4 opponents every week, and the 0-0-1 record gives the selection a proper sting. There is a workable squad here, but the lineup choices turned a middling score into a shambles. Craig now faces Dr Marks, whose own bench was hardly decorative, so the fixture may become a contest in who can leave fewer points behind. Select the good players. It sounds patronising because, after 40 points went unused, it has to.

The bench scored nearly as much as the selected XI, which feels illegal

The American Poch scored the league’s 11th-best total and finished 13th in the power rankings. Stach, Anton and Lewis-Potter, Keane offered genuine returns, but the bench contained Hinshelwood, Jack on 30.5, Aina, Ola on 20 and Rashford, Marcus on 10. That left 68.75 points unused, the largest waste in the gameweek. It is difficult to call that bad luck when the spare parts are doing the scoring from a seated position.

The 0-0-1 record would become 3-10 against the whole league every week, which is the statistical equivalent of finding a winning lottery ticket in the bin and then leaving it there. The problem is not that the squad had no players; it is that the lineup treated them like background extras. Against Princess Diana’s Revenge, Dan O has a chance to prove this was a single catastrophic afternoon rather than the first draft of a weekly disaster. The league will be watching through its fingers.

The bench outscored the starting eleven, which is sackable in several countries

Samba FC finished bottom with the league’s lowest score and the most wasteful lineup of the gameweek. Reinildo, Rayan and Mazraoui, Noussair were selected, while James Justin produced 16.5 from the bench and the reserves outscored the starting eleven. The gap to the best legal lineup was 41.5 points, which is not a marginal administrative discrepancy. Reinildo did deliver despite being the only player of that nationality in the Premier League, a tiny triumph inside a very large mess.

The ranking is 14th because the record is 0-0-1 and the team would beat no opponent every week. That does not end a season, but it does mean Italo must stop admiring the squad and examine the actual team sheet. Samba FC plays Toe Curlers next, a fixture that offers less a reset than an opportunity to demonstrate basic competence. Pick the correct players and the joke dies. Leave another 41.5 points unused and the desk will bring its own chair.